Victoria’s Secret beware. There’s a new game in town, says Fox News: the implantable, non-removable “Cup & Up” device. The bra that never sleeps–or comes off.

Rather than rehash all the staid arguments for and against breast augmentation, let’s look at this procedure from a new perspective–a significant amount of resources could be saved replacing bras whose elastic bands become too worn out each year. From the male perspective, no more front or back clips to hassle with–there’s nothing to remove at all!

But seriously, the idea that women could or worse yet should do away with some fabric and replace it with a breast implant is taking things a bit too far for my taste. Whatever happened to “chicken cutlets” or tissue paper? Moreover, who wants to, as these devices require, have a silicone implant on the inside and a set of straps connecting the implant over their shoulders? That must be one heck of an “up” to be worth such a hassle!

Given the improvements in “bra technology out there”, I can hardly imagine that these implants are worth the medical risks inherent in surgically implanting silicone into a woman’s breast at any age. As a proof of concept, great–we’ve now learned you can put half of a Wonderbra inside a woman and make it permanent. But for for most women’s money, I’m guessing they’ll stick with the actual bra and keep thumbing shopping at Victoria’s Secret.

Summer Johnson, PhD