I’m thinking that Bill Allen’s proposal for a living will is maybe a good idea for me, you and everybody else with fear of the Bush administration a sense of humor.
I received this today from a member of our hospital staff with whom i have not spoken about my idea the other day.
Florida – Living Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
and body, unequivocally declare that in the event of a catastrophic injury,
I do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
I hereby instruct my loved ones and relatives to remove all
life-support systems, once it has been determined that my brain is longer
functioning in a cognizant realm.
However, that judgment should be made only after thorough consultation
with medical experts; i.e., individuals who actually have been trained,
educated and certified as doctors.
Under no circumstances — and I can’t state this too strongly — should
my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn’t pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Furthermore, it is my firm hope that, when the time comes, any
discussion about terminating my medical treatment should remain private and confidential.
Living in Florida, however, I am acutely aware that the legislative and
executive branches of state government are fond of meddling in family
matters, and have little concern for the privacy and dignity of
individuals.
Therefore, I wish to make my views on this subject as clear and
unambiguous as possible. Recognizing that some politicians seem
cerebrally challenged themselves (and with no medical excuse), I’ll try to keep this simple and to the point:
1. While remaining sensitive to the feelings of loved ones who might
cling to hope for my recovery, let me state that if a reasonable amount of
time passes — say, ____ (fill in the blank) months — and I fail to sit sit
up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won’t ever get
better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse,
children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it a day.
2. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that
these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Floridians who aren’t
in a permanent coma.
3. Under no circumstances shall the governor of Florida butt into this
case and order my doctors to put a feeding tube down my throat. I don’t
care how many fundamentalist votes he’s trying to scrounge for his
brother in 2004, it is my wish that he plays politics with someone else’s life
and leaves me to die in peace.
4. I couldn’t care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these
people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and crusade
on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.
5. It is my heartfelt wish to expire quietly and without a public
spectacle. This is obviously impossible once elected officials become
involved. So, while recognizing the wrenching emotions that attend the prolonged death of a loved one, I hereby instruct my relatives to settle all
disagreements about my care in private or in the courts, as provided by
law.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make
his or her existence a living ____ (fill in the blank)