There are moments when our modern age confronts us with a development to which we just don’t know how to respond. Laughter? Tears? A groggy sidewards listing of the head in befuddlement? Maybe a combination of all three?
The new “Healthcare Visa Gift Card” is just such a development.
A healthcare visa what? you might ask. Well, the answer is pretty simple: it’s a gift card for medical expenses — you know, prescription drugs, visits to the doctor, and “indulging in healthy activities.” Let’s let the copywriters take it from here:
Most gifts promote happiness, but the new Healthcare Gift Card also promotes health! From college students and elderly parents to expectant mothers, the Healthcare Gift Card is a unique way to let loved ones know just how much you care.
Merry Christmas, Grandma! Go buy yourself some statins! No, really. From a WCBS-TV segment about the these cards:
When it comes to Christmas presents, Stacey Smith was stumped over what to give to her husband’s grandmother.
“Especially an older person they really have everything they need,” Smith said.
But now she’s found something that fits perfectly — the “gift of health” through a medical gift card.
“She can use it towards her prescriptions and her medical bills or anything like that,” Smith said.
MOTHER: By the way, I saw a wonderful idea for Christmas presents at the chemists. Gift tokens. Medical gift tokens.
MRS TERRAIN: Oh, that sounds marvelous.
MOTHER: Yes, they’re good at any doctor’s and at many of the major hospitals — and they’re accepted for gynecological complications including Caesarean section.
So here we are, life imitating our dystopian art. You better spend that Healthcare Gift Card on antidepressants soon, though. After nine months, Visa starts charging you $1.50 for every month you hold a balance on the card.
Whatever. There are always free health insurance samples.